Busting the Myth That Child Sleep Is a Learned Behavior

by Mar De Carlo, founder of the International Parenting & Health Institute and Association of Professional Sleep Consultants

Sleep is a Natural Biological Process

Sleep is a natural function of the body. Babies begin experiencing sleep cycles in the womb, alternating between REM (active) and non-REM (quiet) sleep. Newborns are biologically programmed to sleep, but their sleep cycles are vastly different from those of older children and adults.

Key points:
✔️ Babies in the womb sleep – They have developing sleep patterns even before birth.
✔️ Newborns experience sleep pressure and circadian rhythms – Their bodies naturally regulate sleep over time.
✔️ The drive to sleep is innate – Just like breathing, babies are born with the need to sleep.

2️⃣ Sleep Regulation & Sleep Confidence Are Learned

While the ability to sleep is natural, the way sleep is regulated and how babies experience sleep is learned through interaction with their caregivers and environment.

🔹 Newborns do not have fully developed circadian rhythms. Their sleep-wake cycles take weeks to months to mature, and they need external cues (light, darkness, soothing, warmth, safety) to help regulate sleep.

🔹 Sleep confidence & independence are developmental. Babies are born with strong attachment needs and naturally require comfort and responsiveness to fall asleep and stay asleep. Over time, they develop more independent sleep abilities through co-regulation with caregivers.

🔹 Sleeping alone is not a biological norm. Many Western sleep training methods assume that babies “should” sleep independently, but around the world, cosleeping and contact sleep are the norm. A baby resisting separation is not a sleep problem—it’s a survival instinct.

3️⃣ The Idea That “Sleep is a Learned Behavior” Comes from Sleep Training Culture

The phrase “sleep is a learned behavior” is commonly used by the sleep training industry to justify teaching babies to self-soothe and sleep independently through methods like “cry-it-out” or “gentle sleep training.” However, this assumes that babies are “bad” at sleep unless taught, which is not biologically accurate.

What babies truly need is:
✔️ A safe and responsive sleep environment
✔️ Co-regulation with caregivers to feel secure
✔️ Support to develop sleep confidence naturally over time

Instead of forcing independent sleep too early, a holistic child sleep approach works with a child’s natural sleep biology and supports their evolving needs.

💡 Conclusion: Sleep is Natural, But the Way We Approach It Matters

✅ Babies naturally know how to sleep, but they need caregiver support to regulate sleep patterns.
✅ Sleep confidence is a developmental process, not a skill that must be “trained” through separation-based methods.
✅ Holistic sleep approaches honor a child’s biological sleep needs while supporting gentle, responsive transitions to independence.

Learn more via my book Awakening Through Sleep

Interested in learning how you can turn your passion or sleep challenges into a holistic adult or child sleep career?

To learn about our Holistic Pregnancy & Child Sleep Consultant Certification Program: Learn More

To learn about our Integrative Adult Sleep Coach Certification program: Learn More

Author: Admin